LAURIE DITTO’S HEAVENLY TRAVELS
By Akin Ojumu
I present to you, Laurie A. Ditto, a celestial frequent flyer and avid traveler to the heavenly realm.
In this video clip, you’ll hear her narrate how she was chosen by God for the very important mission of making recurrent long-distance commutes to Heaven because God wants her to learn something from Heaven to bring back to earth. Whatever it is she is learning in Heaven, apparently, must have been mistakenly omitted from Scripture.
As we all know, earth dwellers don’t know how the will of God is done in Heaven. So, it’s impossible for them to replicate it here on earth. It, therefore, becomes necessary for celestial astronaut Laurie Ditto to go on these heavenly excursions to learn how folks in Heaven go about doing the will of God over there. In a process of spiritual technological transfer, she can then come back and teach everybody else on earth what she learned in Heaven.
Luckily for us, Laurie Ditto isn’t in any way under any divine embargo that prohibits her from divulging the details she gleaned of Heaven. She is very much unlike Apostle Paul who was strictly forbidden from saying a word about what he saw when he similarly went to Heaven (2 Corinthians 12:2-4).
Perhaps because her commission is exponentially more important than that of Paul’s, who authored 13 of the New Testament Books, celestial frequent flyer Ditto is more than willing to spill the beans on juicy heavenly secrets.
In Laurie’s telling, there’s always a welcome parade held in her honor whenever her supersonic intercelestial vessel touches down on the heavenly tarmac which, of course, is paved with gold. She recounts how people in heaven know her by name. Unable to contain their excitement, they giddily yell, “Laurie is here! Laurie is here!” even while she is still some distance away.
Mode of transportation in Heaven is one of the things that Laurie finds fascinating. People in heaven like to travel around the realm in style, Laurie Ditto claims.
“Now, the people in heaven fly; they fly standing up. You come off the ground six inches…eight inches…ten inches. You come up off the ground depending on your brightness.”
The height of the levitation and the brightness of the glow, Laurie claims, are directly proportional to the strength of love and obedience to Jesus Christ.
“Your love, your obedience to Jesus, your trust in God makes you not only bright but it also lets you come up off the ground so you can fly.”
If you are the type that’s easily susceptible to esoteric claims such as this one, I hate to burst your bubble. But burst, I must. If you believe that people who narrate such experiences must be super-spiritual, let me break this to you as bluntly as I can.
Laurie Ditto is delusional and not at all spiritual. These ludicrous claims originate from her reprobate mind. Her farcical tales are nothing but figments of her wild imagination.
“For the Word of God is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, even penetrating as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12).
“Preach the Word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction.” (2 Timothy 4:2).
The Bible is God’s Word. When exegeted accurately, it’s all the instruction we need on how to do God’s will on earth as it is in Heaven. That Laurie Ditto has to take multiple excursions to Heaven before we can be informed on how to implement God’s will on earth, negates the Bible and makes it obsolete.
Poignantly, Apostle Paul predicted Laurie Ditto’s delusion in his letter to the Thessalonians.
“Therefore God sends them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false…” (2 Thessalonians 2:11)
When he forewarned Timothy about the widespread embrace of myths that was to come, Paul must have the likes of Laurie Ditto in mind.
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.” (2 Timothy 4:3-4)
Laurie Ditto and her kind are experts at glow-in-the-dark esoteric religious manipulation. They are complete flim-flams and phony-baloneys. The pseudo profound scatology they teach is pure mythology and not Biblical Christianity at all.