By Akin Ojumu

The Suspension of Foreign Participation Act, FORPART Act 2018 (Amended, 2020), stipulates the suspension of all advice (including but not limited to political, financial, economic, educational, medical, social, religious advice) and contributions (including but not limited to sports, financial, economic, scientific, medical, education contributions) from Nigerians in the diaspora (aka Fake Nigerians and Foreign Nigerians).

Foreign Nigerian or Foreigner
By this Act, you are a foreign Nigerian (or a foreigner) if you are a Nigerian but you reside outside Nigeria. A foreign Nigerian may or may not be a naturalized citizen of another country and may or may not hold an international passport of another country.

Fake Nigerian or Fake
By this Act, you are a fake Nigerian (or a fake) if you previously lived outside Nigeria but have now returned and now live in Nigeria. You are the so-called "one leg in and one leg out" Nigerian who at the slightest whiff of trouble, will pack his suitcase and flee Nigeria to the safety of your foreign country. Such a person may or may not hold an international passport of another country.

Pirate or Sailor Nigerian
By this Act, you are a Pirate or Sailor Nigerian if you live in Nigeria but you are preoccupied with the politics, economics, religion, social, moral, and values of foreign nations. For example, the prototypical Pirate Nigerian is fanatically engrossed in the politics of developed nations which in many instances they’ve never visited. Such a Nigerian often expresses opinion and righteous indignation against godless liberals out to destroy the values and morals of a foreign nation. They are wont to call for divine interventions in elections in foreign nations; they hold night vigils and prayer sessions so that foreign politicians in foreign countries they see as anointed by God can win elections in faraway foreign lands.

Authentic or Bona fide or Genuine Nigerian
By this Act, an Authentic (aka bona fide, aka genuine) Nigerian is the born, bred, and would die Nigerian who live, and has lived in Nigeria all his life. This is the son of the soil, who lives and breathes Nigeria. Such a person holds no affiliation or allegiance to any foreign land. This type of Nigerian wears only Nigerian attire and may wear foreign attire only when it is absolutely necessary.

By this Act, bona fide (aka genuine) Nigerians will no longer welcome the involvement of fake and foreign Nigerians in the affairs of the country. These interlopers, who have been fed Bugger King and McDonald's buggers, are barred from making any contributions to the country, whether or not the contributions may be beneficial to the country.

As such, the fake and foreign Nigerians are regarded as unfit and qualified to make meaningful contributions to the affairs of Nigeria. This is because they have lived, and/or live, outside Nigeria, and may or may not hold non-Nigerian passports. Such persons are incapable of fully understanding issues that pertain to Nigeria and Nigerians. Their foreign ideas, their foreign experiences, their foreign money are of no use to Nigeria and Nigerians. Only authentic Nigerians, who live in Nigeria, understand Nigeria and the complexity of its issues, and thus only them alone that can fix these issues.

By this Act, Pirate (aka Sailor) Nigerians will henceforth be admitted into a 8-week national re-orientation program. The goal of this program is to re-educate Pirate Nigerians on civic responsibility and the importance of patriotism. After completing the re-education program, Pirate Nigerians will be re-evaluated by the National Office of Civic Orientation and Patriotism (NOCOP) for their commitment to Nigeria and sense of patriotic pride. Those determined to be sufficiently patriotic will re-admitted into the Nigerian society as rehabilitated Pirate Nigerians. Those deemed not sufficiently patriotic will remain in the national re-orientation program until such a time they can be considered to be full rehabilitated.

Political: Fake and Foreign Nigerians, as defined by this Act, are forbidden from participating in political activities in Nigeria. They are prohibited from standing for electoral offices and are ineligible to vote in any elections. These fake and foreign Nigerians are also forbidden from providing political analysis or political advice of any sort, and on any forum or platform be it social media, news media, or even with friends or family members who are genuine Nigerians.

Sports: Henceforth, no fake or foreign Nigerian player will represent Nigeria in any sport. Such fake and foreign Nigerians are hereby prohibited from participating in Nigerian sports and are forbidden from being on any of the Nigeria national teams and are without exception precluded from wearing the green white green. They cannot play for Nigeria in the world cup and are not allowed to represent Nigeria in the Olympics.

Education: The Fake and Foreign Nigerians are forbidden from making any contributions to the educational advancement of Nigeria. They cannot teach at any level of education, be it primary, secondary, or University. They are forbidden from establishing schools, and they cannot provide advice on the education of Nigerians.

Medical and Scientific: Authentic Nigerians will no longer accept funding of scientific or medical projects by fake and foreign Nigerians. These fake and foreign Nigerians cannot build hospitals or state-of-art diagnostic centers, they cannot contribute to the development of medical education, they are prohibited from building infrastructure for medical research in Nigeria, or even train Nigerian scientists on cutting edge science. Authentic Nigerians don’t need their help or their crazy ideas. Fake and foreign Nigerians are especially not welcomed to provide medical or scientific expertise during the outbreak of epidemics or pandemics.

Financial and Economic: Authentic Nigerians no longer welcome, and will no longer accept, monetary reparations from the fake and foreign Nigerians. Fake and foreign Nigerians are forbidden from sending money to their authentic Nigerian families in Nigeria, neither through Western union nor bank transfer.

Fake and Foreigners are prohibited from establishing businesses in Nigeria. They are forbidden from investing in the economy of Nigeria. Such persons cannot provide employment to Nigerians.

In addition, they are henceforth prohibited from providing financial and economic advice or providing any financial or economic analysis. Their foreign economic analysis may work in their foreign countries, but such fanciful ideas will not work in Nigeria. They should take their foreign economic analysis and stick it where the sun does not shine. We don’t want, and don’t need, them here.

Any Fake or Foreign Nigerian who flouts or violates the provisions of this Act will be prosecuted to the extent of the law by Authentic Nigerians. Those convicted will be liable to penalties including, but not limited to, life imprisonment, banishment from ever entering Nigeria, and never ever making contributions on any social media groups.


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